It is surprising that when we meet our “special person” who becomes our spouse or long-time partner that we are amazed at how easily we can share our most intimate secrets. This person seems to be able to understand our feelings. He or she can often finish our sentences! Our interactions are so effortless and enjoyable.
So why is it then that I so often hear in my office, “he is so insensitive” ? Or, “she just doesn’t seem to care about what I have to say.”
Each partner feels hurt and betrayed. They wonder what happened to this person who used to seem so magical.
Relationships go through stages just as individuals do. Just as we grow and learn through elementary school, high school and college, so too does the relationship experience various developmental phases. And other factors complicate the picture such as career demands and children.
When relationships change, but the communication does not, both partners feel betrayed and hurt. Sometimes one partner merely misinterprets the other’s signals. Sometimes the signals need to be adjusted. During my counseling process, when each partner is committed to finding the solution and learning new communication patterns, much of the magic can be restored. It is indeed a rewarding process!