“We could always talk about anything,” Nellie explained when she and Sam came for their first couples meeting. Sam continued, “we usually finished each other’s sentences too.”
So, how did things turn so upside down they wondered? How did things change to such a large degree?
It seems that when you meet someone you really click with, things are so easy and natural. However, as you get more comfortable with each other, couples often get lazy. That means they take each other for granted and don’t communicate as often or as thoroughly. Most people stop being as open, stop sharing feelings-especially negative ones.
As a result, this person who was so easy to talk to, who really understood you becomes distant. You might feel his irritation, but neither of you talk about it. He might be cautious of you because you snap at him more often, but not want to start a fight about it. So you each retreat more from the other.
This is not an uncommon event between couples. It is also not complicated to fix. But it involves talking about these issues. And allowing vulnerability again between you. You need to make the interactions safe and comfortable again.
Take the risk to open the discussion. Take the risk to tell each other about your irritation and how you feel rejected or scared. You will see the ice begin to melt and the warm interactions happening again.